In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Full Moon.”
When the full moon happens, you turn into a person who’s the opposite of who you normally are. Describe this new you.
I am no longer a slave to the snooze button and my blanket cave makes me feel claustrophobic instead of safe. I discover that I am pretty good at doing things and even if there is something that I kind of suck at, it does not result in a spiral of harsh judgements for the rest of my day. I approach and walk away from my interactions not replaying the events twenty times, cringing at the ways I fumbled with my words or possibly made the other person feel uncomfortable or bored. I feel funny and interesting. My thoughts feel original and are not stilted, slow or disconnected from my speech. I pay attention and retain information. I trust my memory. My mind does not worry for at least a minute. My mind stays still for at least a minute. I am more attuned to my own and other people’s feelings. I’m an ambitious go-getter who is able to put mind over matter. Scratch that, I am secure enough in my place in the world to know and reject the notion that not being ambitious is often conflated with being lazy, mediocre or wasteful. I am not crippled by the fear that the words I speak are empty, meaningless or nonsensical. Feeling articulate and smart and confident does not feel like an insurmountable task. I feel awe again.
So I’ve made a new rule for myself: write when I want to and to not worry so much about giving myself weekly deadlines. Write inspired. That’s probably it.
Something really inspired me today:
Have you seen this movie?
While watching this, I felt a foreboding uneasiness – I was all “shit, I already know I love this movie, like really love this movie. how am I ever going to fully and beautifully articulate why I love this movie so much?” Just watched it a few hours ago so a lot of it is still somewhat – wanted to put down some initial thoughts (please be warned, spoilers ahead!):
- tagline doesn’t lie: this movie is a love story alright. it’s about love and all kinds of it: unselfish love. selfish love. friend love. romantic love. transcendent love. virtual (?) love. self-love. human-human love. human-artificial intelligence love. love in its many phases and dichotomies – burning/fading, clinging/recoiling. the main character, theo, is very lovable and you can FEEL how much he wants to love but is scared to. you see him love through three relationships: catherine, amy and sam… and they were all lovely – full of vulnerability and strength displayed by all of the characters.
- just for the record, i’m in the camp that is totally down with the human-os love. its very hard to argue that the feelings, conversations, evolution that came out of sam and theo’s relationship weren’t “real” or at the least, meaningful. what i love about this movie is how convincingly it breaks open the idea of the infinite ways love can be defined/validated/experienced. it was sad to see both theo and sam each fall out of phase/retreat from the relationship just like it was nice to see them each be all wistful and excited about life and each other as they fell in love.
- love and permanence, love and expansiveness
- “you’re mine and you’re not mine”
She takes me by the hand
Turning, twisting, tumbling
Her jiggly laughter ripples through my ribcage
I get dizzy and plead
Please no more spinning
We lie in a messy heap
Fluffy carpet, silky hair, the intoxicating smell of baby shampoo
Her upside down eyes tantalize
Up we go again
But not before I plant a delicious kiss
On her toasty cheek
I think everyone in this world needs a friend like you. You’re freaking fantastic and I love you. The last time we were out together, I could not articulate very well what I liked about you; I just kept blubbering on about how you’re one of my favourite people in this world (was that semicolon properly used?) and how my words could never do you justice. I will hazard a try again today even though I know my words still can’t do justice but I just need to throw my this out into the universe.
You go doing things like this:
I know you poured a lot of thought into this card. You pour a lot of thought into me. And people. Your words aren’t superfluous or pretentious or hollow dippities (ambiguous phrases that appear to have substance on initial hearing but really don’t when thought about carefully- I’d give you an example but nothing’s coming to mind). When you speak, I have clarity. I go, “That makes sense, I wish I could say it like that.” All. The. Time. You build people up with your words and when you speak, you speak with the perfect combination of genuineness and kindness, never shooting down and never overselling (or selling for that matter). You are an old soul – as I’m
sure hoping many have told you – but there’s no air about you knowing that. And that’s so damn sexy.
You just really have a sexy brain, okay? And that part of your brain that cares for others and important causes? I can’t. Your intelligence, your thoughtfulness, make for such a comforting presence. I envy you, aspire to be you, and want the world to be the best it can be for you. I want for you to continue finding pleasure in the small wonders you already find pleasure in and even more. I want you to have success. I want you to have love. I want you to have peace.
I love you, and I am so fortunate to have you in my life.